If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
