The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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