Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
