So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
