U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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