Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
