I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize