can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
