just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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