You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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