dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
how drunk are you?
Several
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
