I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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