why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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