I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
