4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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