If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
