Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
