Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
