okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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