my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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