well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
