Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
