Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
