i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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