Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
