I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
