I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You are a genius and a whore.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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