if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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