smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
