3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
