your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
