I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
