white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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