He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
