Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
