Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
