i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
