So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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