Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
