i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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