The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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