Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
