I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
