I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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