Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
