I looked at my own cervix.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
