THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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