her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
