Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
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He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.