listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You smell like stripper and shame
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
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They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks