did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today