Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
People in love make me want to vomit
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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