Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.