I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!