My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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