I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
