Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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