It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
