your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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