I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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