Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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