I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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