apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
