Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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