Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
