If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
