We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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