If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
